Step Parenting, It's all a Matter of Perspective

It’s not easy being a stepparent. Step parents have no power, little authority and are subject to a lot of grudges, some of are their own.  A new step parent should take a deep breath and resist quick judgments on personality.  Step parenting takes a lot of effort.  The new parent needs to spend some one on one time with the kids. Get to know the children, learn their likes and dislikes.
Blended families have additional stresses. Stress from the bio-kids as they meld with the step kids, ex-spouse issues, new household rules, new routines, new schools and everyone finding patience to deal with it all.

 Try to avoid distance judgment. It’s easy to make a snap judgment on another person’s child before having all the fact.  Stepparents should avoid the ‘If that were my kid . . .’ thought process.  Parents are not prone to superficial thought processes, step parents need to remember to place themselves in the actually parents shoes before making judgments.  Stepping out of the stepparent roll and honestly trying to see the child through the bio parent’s eyes can offer a softer perspective.

Bio parents analyze their child’s behavior using such factors as health, mood and background issues that step parents tend to forget.  Step parents sometimes lack the rose colored glasses of real parents.  Step parents may actually see the situation for what it really is and when that happens they must be careful not to judge or lecture their spouse.

A stepparent’s best position is that of a consultant, offering advice when requested. When that advice is offered it should be with compassion and understanding. It’s also wise to realize the advice while understood may not be used every time. Showing a united front to the kids is important. Children as smart and if they see division they will use that as a device to achieve their goals. The bio-parent has final authority. It’s their child. Here’s a clever mantra for step parents: ‘It’s not my kid, it’s not my kid.’

The key to a marriage surviving step parenting is patience; honestly, both parents being of one mind and realizing the kids will someday grow up and move out on their own. There will be trials, errors, battles and ex-spouse involvement. Perspective and empathy are the keys to a loving blended household