Most women experience some sort of Baby Blues after delivery but do you know the difference between Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression? I gave birth to my 3rd child at age 46. It was an unexpected pregnancy and we were totally unprepared. Add to the stress of turning our retirement dreams into another round of parenting, then top that off with a birth defect diagnosis of club feet which led to the baby’s legs in casts, then surgery, then braces and I had a full blown case of Postpartum Depression. My depression displayed itself as impatience, exhaustion, anxiety, anger, guilt over the birth defect and loss of appetite.
Baby blues last from a few days to a few weeks and include the following symptoms: crying, decreased concentration, mood swings, irritability, Sadness, anxiety and trouble sleeping. Not that many new moms get a lot of sleep anyway in the first few months. Postpartum depression can begin like the baby blues except the symptoms are stronger and last longer. The symptoms can become so severe they interfere with your ability to care for your baby and functioning of daily activities. The symptoms of postpartum depression may include: loss of appetite, Insomnia, Intense irritability and anger, overwhelming fatigue, loss of interest in sex, lack of joy in life, feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy, severe mood swings, difficulty bonding with the baby, withdrawal from family and friends or thoughts of harming yourself or the baby.
Causes of Postpartum Depression are varied. Lack of sleep combined with Hormone changes and lifestyle changes are the most common. Bringing a new baby into your home causes a lot of upset and emotional stress. Concern over being a good parent is normal. Crying constantly over your concerns or even a casual consideration of suicide isn’t normal.
Treatment of the Baby Blues is pretty simple. Get some rest, don’t be afraid to ask your family, spouse or friends for help. Let them take care of the baby for a few hours so you can get some much needed sleep and stay away from Alcohol, it only makes the symptoms worse.
Postpartum Depression treatments are either Antidepressants or hormones, if the depression is more severe counseling may be required.
The only reason to be afraid of Postpartum Depression would be not admitting you have it. Be honest with your doctor about what you are feeling and let the doctor decide if you are suffering from the baby blues or depression. If your doctor doesn’t ask how you are feeling TELL HIM. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms above you need to let your doctor know as soon as possible. Untreated postpartum depression can hinder mother-child bonding and actually cause behavioral problems in the child. Temper tantrums, hyperactivity, sleeping and eating disorders are some of those problems as well as developmental delays.
Risking your health AND the health and happiness of your baby isn’t worth trying to ’suffer’ through what could be postpartum depression. Don’t take the risk. Postpartum Depression there is no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Stress Relief For the Working Mom
The demands on women these days are exceedingly greater and greater. It’s no longer unusual for the woman of the house to be the main breadwinner. Not that the men are staying home with the kids, but that women are now able to bring home higher salaries than 20 years ago.
Since staying home with the kids is a difficult situation to accomplish most families are double income families. Which is necessary just to survive. But what about the stress that a woman, a mom undertakes in this situation. Not only are they working 40-60 hours a week, they are cooking, cleaning, helping kids with homework, making sure they eat right, keeping them away from the wrong TV shows/movies, worrying if they sent a sick kid to school because they had to be at work that day AND trying to be a good wife. Admittedly, married men do help around the house. However, a study by ISR researchers discovered that American men do approximately 16 hours of housework a week compared to women who do approximately 27 hours.
So what can a working mom do to relieve some of the stress that pounds her on a daily basis One of the best stress reducers is exercise. I found that a 30 minutes exercise over my lunch hour reduced my daily stress AND took my concentration on what I was having for lunch, therefore allowing me to eat less in the process. After a quick lunch workout I was in a better mood and could handle problems with more ease. In order to accomplish this you have to either have a gym at work or close to work. If that is not possible a simple, fast paced 30 minute walk will also help reduce stress. You can walk outside around the block, or simply walk the halls of your building, using the stairs as much as possible.
It’s also a good idea to ask your spouse to take one or two nights a week and be responsible for dinner and /or putting the kids to bed. There’s also no reason why he can’t do the same one or two mornings a week and get the kids up and ready for school to give you a break. Sometimes that’s not possible with work schedules, but if it is, talk to him about it. And those nights he’s dealing with the kids and bedtime rituals, you can go and take a candlelit bubble bath.
Taking time to spend on yourself is key to stress relief. Get a manicure, it’s not that expensive. Get a friend or two and make a monthly or bi-monthly date for dinner or a day at the spa, if you can’t afford that, then meet them at the mall and go window shopping.
Our economy and lifestyle requirements dictate that we have a two family income structure. We like two cars, cable tv, vacations, computers, cell phones, ipods for the kids. The list goes on and on. So stress is a daily part of our lives. That doesn’t mean we have to suffer through it. Find an outlet that you enjoy and stick to it. You will be happier AND healthier for it.
Since staying home with the kids is a difficult situation to accomplish most families are double income families. Which is necessary just to survive. But what about the stress that a woman, a mom undertakes in this situation. Not only are they working 40-60 hours a week, they are cooking, cleaning, helping kids with homework, making sure they eat right, keeping them away from the wrong TV shows/movies, worrying if they sent a sick kid to school because they had to be at work that day AND trying to be a good wife. Admittedly, married men do help around the house. However, a study by ISR researchers discovered that American men do approximately 16 hours of housework a week compared to women who do approximately 27 hours.
So what can a working mom do to relieve some of the stress that pounds her on a daily basis One of the best stress reducers is exercise. I found that a 30 minutes exercise over my lunch hour reduced my daily stress AND took my concentration on what I was having for lunch, therefore allowing me to eat less in the process. After a quick lunch workout I was in a better mood and could handle problems with more ease. In order to accomplish this you have to either have a gym at work or close to work. If that is not possible a simple, fast paced 30 minute walk will also help reduce stress. You can walk outside around the block, or simply walk the halls of your building, using the stairs as much as possible.
It’s also a good idea to ask your spouse to take one or two nights a week and be responsible for dinner and /or putting the kids to bed. There’s also no reason why he can’t do the same one or two mornings a week and get the kids up and ready for school to give you a break. Sometimes that’s not possible with work schedules, but if it is, talk to him about it. And those nights he’s dealing with the kids and bedtime rituals, you can go and take a candlelit bubble bath.
Taking time to spend on yourself is key to stress relief. Get a manicure, it’s not that expensive. Get a friend or two and make a monthly or bi-monthly date for dinner or a day at the spa, if you can’t afford that, then meet them at the mall and go window shopping.
Our economy and lifestyle requirements dictate that we have a two family income structure. We like two cars, cable tv, vacations, computers, cell phones, ipods for the kids. The list goes on and on. So stress is a daily part of our lives. That doesn’t mean we have to suffer through it. Find an outlet that you enjoy and stick to it. You will be happier AND healthier for it.
Getting Even With Your Spouse
Getting even with a spouse for any kind of action can become a reflex if it's practiced long enough. The problem with this is that it becomes a never ending cycle of one up man ship that can only lead to unhappiness, separation or even divorce.
Whether a spouse is simply doing something annoying like stopping by a friends house on the way home from work without calling, planning a night out with the boys/girls without checking first or even something more serious like watching porn in secret, having a secret lunch with the ex or having an affair; revenge is not the answer.
Plotting revenge can be fun, exciting and even comforting but those feelings are fleeting. Grabbing a few friends and dashing out to a bar to get even for a spouses fun night on the town without you is as detrimental to your relationship as a secret Internet flirting session with a stranger. Neither are productive to the marriage and neither will solve hurt feelings or loneliness.
The first thing to do when stuck in a 'getting even' relationship is to be the one to stop. Then decide whether this relationship is worth saving. Is it possible to accept the annoying or even hurtful behavior of the other spouse? Consider whether it's actually the spouses behavior that's the problem or is it the reaction that happens when unacceptable behavior occurs? Will this unacceptable behavior by the other spouse stop when the 'getting even' ceases?
Communicate with your spouse. Explain that 'getting even' is no longer an acceptable response to anger or hurt feelings. Talk calmly, without blame about the issues that are causing problems and allow the other spouse to respond in kind with their own issues. This should be done when you are alone and will not be interrupted. It may also be necessary to stop the conversation and reschedule it if tempers rise.
The next step is forgiveness. Forgiveness is possible even when a spouse has cheated.
Forgiveness doesn't always happen instantly. Sometimes it takes months, even years to truly forgive a cheating spouse. Sometimes the forgiveness must be given again and again. The important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it's impossible for an injured spouse to heal inside if anger is still present in their heart.
When 'getting even' is off the table and two people who love each other want to make a relationship work love, patience, acceptance and forgiveness are the key factors. Put the relationship first, before friends, before work. Be patient about the occasional backslide as both spouses work together to move toward a better relationship. Acceptance of the behaviors that cannot be changed and forgiveness of past injuries.
Whether a spouse is simply doing something annoying like stopping by a friends house on the way home from work without calling, planning a night out with the boys/girls without checking first or even something more serious like watching porn in secret, having a secret lunch with the ex or having an affair; revenge is not the answer.
Plotting revenge can be fun, exciting and even comforting but those feelings are fleeting. Grabbing a few friends and dashing out to a bar to get even for a spouses fun night on the town without you is as detrimental to your relationship as a secret Internet flirting session with a stranger. Neither are productive to the marriage and neither will solve hurt feelings or loneliness.
The first thing to do when stuck in a 'getting even' relationship is to be the one to stop. Then decide whether this relationship is worth saving. Is it possible to accept the annoying or even hurtful behavior of the other spouse? Consider whether it's actually the spouses behavior that's the problem or is it the reaction that happens when unacceptable behavior occurs? Will this unacceptable behavior by the other spouse stop when the 'getting even' ceases?
Communicate with your spouse. Explain that 'getting even' is no longer an acceptable response to anger or hurt feelings. Talk calmly, without blame about the issues that are causing problems and allow the other spouse to respond in kind with their own issues. This should be done when you are alone and will not be interrupted. It may also be necessary to stop the conversation and reschedule it if tempers rise.
The next step is forgiveness. Forgiveness is possible even when a spouse has cheated.
Forgiveness doesn't always happen instantly. Sometimes it takes months, even years to truly forgive a cheating spouse. Sometimes the forgiveness must be given again and again. The important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it's impossible for an injured spouse to heal inside if anger is still present in their heart.
When 'getting even' is off the table and two people who love each other want to make a relationship work love, patience, acceptance and forgiveness are the key factors. Put the relationship first, before friends, before work. Be patient about the occasional backslide as both spouses work together to move toward a better relationship. Acceptance of the behaviors that cannot be changed and forgiveness of past injuries.
Step Parenting, It's all a Matter of Perspective
It’s not easy being a stepparent. Step parents have no power, little authority and are subject to a lot of grudges, some of are their own. A new step parent should take a deep breath and resist quick judgments on personality. Step parenting takes a lot of effort. The new parent needs to spend some one on one time with the kids. Get to know the children, learn their likes and dislikes.
Blended families have additional stresses. Stress from the bio-kids as they meld with the step kids, ex-spouse issues, new household rules, new routines, new schools and everyone finding patience to deal with it all.
Try to avoid distance judgment. It’s easy to make a snap judgment on another person’s child before having all the fact. Stepparents should avoid the ‘If that were my kid . . .’ thought process. Parents are not prone to superficial thought processes, step parents need to remember to place themselves in the actually parents shoes before making judgments. Stepping out of the stepparent roll and honestly trying to see the child through the bio parent’s eyes can offer a softer perspective.
Bio parents analyze their child’s behavior using such factors as health, mood and background issues that step parents tend to forget. Step parents sometimes lack the rose colored glasses of real parents. Step parents may actually see the situation for what it really is and when that happens they must be careful not to judge or lecture their spouse.
A stepparent’s best position is that of a consultant, offering advice when requested. When that advice is offered it should be with compassion and understanding. It’s also wise to realize the advice while understood may not be used every time. Showing a united front to the kids is important. Children as smart and if they see division they will use that as a device to achieve their goals. The bio-parent has final authority. It’s their child. Here’s a clever mantra for step parents: ‘It’s not my kid, it’s not my kid.’
The key to a marriage surviving step parenting is patience; honestly, both parents being of one mind and realizing the kids will someday grow up and move out on their own. There will be trials, errors, battles and ex-spouse involvement. Perspective and empathy are the keys to a loving blended household
Blended families have additional stresses. Stress from the bio-kids as they meld with the step kids, ex-spouse issues, new household rules, new routines, new schools and everyone finding patience to deal with it all.
Try to avoid distance judgment. It’s easy to make a snap judgment on another person’s child before having all the fact. Stepparents should avoid the ‘If that were my kid . . .’ thought process. Parents are not prone to superficial thought processes, step parents need to remember to place themselves in the actually parents shoes before making judgments. Stepping out of the stepparent roll and honestly trying to see the child through the bio parent’s eyes can offer a softer perspective.
Bio parents analyze their child’s behavior using such factors as health, mood and background issues that step parents tend to forget. Step parents sometimes lack the rose colored glasses of real parents. Step parents may actually see the situation for what it really is and when that happens they must be careful not to judge or lecture their spouse.
A stepparent’s best position is that of a consultant, offering advice when requested. When that advice is offered it should be with compassion and understanding. It’s also wise to realize the advice while understood may not be used every time. Showing a united front to the kids is important. Children as smart and if they see division they will use that as a device to achieve their goals. The bio-parent has final authority. It’s their child. Here’s a clever mantra for step parents: ‘It’s not my kid, it’s not my kid.’
The key to a marriage surviving step parenting is patience; honestly, both parents being of one mind and realizing the kids will someday grow up and move out on their own. There will be trials, errors, battles and ex-spouse involvement. Perspective and empathy are the keys to a loving blended household
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